it- Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth vs. CHRIST-Esteem
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth vs. CHRIST-Esteem
by Au. Carrie Gaard Kings
No matter who you are, or where you come from, as humans we are way too hard on ourselves. Sometimes too much! Since our birth,our family members, our childhood,our high school & college journeys\seasons, our job, etc. can be a big part of the reason we have low self-esteem. Our look in the mirror that reflects us, does NOT identify us, nevertheless it probably defines our identity in our own eyes since our birth date.
To start...Let's learn together the meaning of these words!
"Self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves. It is our internal assessment of our qualities and attributes. We have healthy self-esteem when what we think, feel, and believe about ourselves is honest and realistic."
"Self-worth is the belief that you are lovable and valuable regardless of how you evaluate your traits. In this way, your self-esteem could hit rock bottom, yet you still hold onto the notion that you have innate worth."
Christ-esteem isn't one who is always thinking lowly thoughts about himself; it
is the person who doesn't think about himself at all. C. S. Lewis dixit: "The real test of being in
the presence of GOD is that you either forget about yourself altogether
or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about
yourself altogether…" He goes on later to say that our goal in life
isn't self-esteem – it is Christ-esteem that gives us self-woth!
It's important to talk about both in this article as low self-worth can lead to low self-esteem and vice versa.Self-esteem
is a sense of self-value based on various factors, such as
how we compare ourselves to others and how others view us.These
self-beliefs and concepts often do not match our ideal self-image. But none of these two are real, Christ-esteem defines you.
What does this mean? Lets dig deep in these journeys together and learn some rules that can apply to what we all need to be aware of!
1. Recognize Your Growth
One of the best ways to recognize your growth is to take a minute to think about where you were a year ago, 5 years ago. Then ask yourself:
- What have you learned?
- What skills do you have today that you didn't then?
- What are you proud of accomplishing?
- How can you give yourself a pat on the back to celebrate how far you've come?
Doing this exercise on a regular basis is a great way to improve your sense of self-worth and confidence.
2. Use Self-Love Affirmations
Perfect to give yourself a daily boost of love. Affirmations are positive statements you make to provide motivation and support.
You might use positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem in the following circumstances:
- To prep for an interview… "I am smart, confident and will enjoy this interview."
- Before a client presentation… "I will clearly communicate the value of (enter product or solution) to the client – and I will enjoy doing so.
- Going to a party (introverts – you know what I mean)… "I am beautiful and will feel happy and confident when entering the party."
- In the morning… "Today I will love myself by taking care of my own needs first."
- Before a phone call with a toxic person… "I will keep the call short and honor my time by not agreeing to any commitments they want me to take."
3. Take Note Of Negative Thoughts
We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to the thoughts we have in our minds. Negative self-talk can creep in and if we don't take notice, it will spiral.The goal here is to replace these negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
Try the following exercise…
Step 1: When a negative thought about yourself enters your mind take note of the thought – in a notebook, or your phone.
Step 2: Come back to the negative thoughts you have written down when you feel mentally able and then think about any negative beliefs you have about yourself.
Step 3: Turn your negative belief into a positive, if possible by thinking the opposite (an alternative belief). Example…
Negative belief: I don't have the confidence to take that class
Alternative belief: I am confident and will sign up for the class
When you work on this exercise on an ongoing basis your core beliefs will begin to change. This is something to work on in your everyday life.
4. Take a Gratitude Walk
As you walk think about everything you have to be grateful for in your day and life.
When you have an attitude of gratitude it helps you to think positively and this includes thinking positively about yourself.
5. Start A Self-Esteem Journal
You can use some of the self-esteem worksheets below as inspiration for your writing, or simply just write anything that is weighing you down.
Think about a stressful or worrying situation and ask yourself:
Is this thought actually true?
Are my feelings making me feel worse?
Are these thoughts and feelings serving me?
What good things can I say about myself instead?
Then use your self-esteem journal to do a brain dump whenever you just need to release unwanted feelings. There's something pretty amazing about releasing feelings onto paper and then just letting them go.
6. Create An Alter-Ego
An alter-ego can be thought of as another version of yourself. A version you bring out when you need a little more confidence. Think of your alter-ego as a good friend who's there to support you and make you stronger.
Alter-Ego Exercise:
- Think of the traits you want your alter-ego to have. Use empowering words like… strength, confidence, resilience, graciousness, etc.
- Think about how your alter-ego would act in social situations. Specifically, think about situations you have low self-esteem.
- Try using your alter-ego by visualizing you are this person and apply it to how you act, speak, stand and interact with others.
You can also give your alter-ego a name and think of it as bringing this person out to support you.
7. Write A List of Your Positive Qualities
Grab a sheet of paper or your journal and write a big list of all the positive traits you have.
As you think about your true self, what positive qualities come to mind? Think about various aspects of your life…
- Personal
- Family
- Work
- Health
- Friendships
- Finances
- Creativity
Now, keep this list and refer to it when you need a pick me up – and a little reminder of just how amazing you are...
NOW, lets define CHRIST-Esteem
I was filling out a reference form one day when I came across a question that asked me to assess the person's "self-esteem". I found myself in a dilemma. If I rated him low in self-esteem, the school would have interpreted it to mean that he was unconfident and self-pitying (which he isn't). But if I rated him high in self-esteem, I would have also been saying something untrue, since I associate self-esteem with pride, and I consider this person to be truly humble and Godly. I eventually decided to just leave that line blank.
I know that it is possible to define self-esteem in such a way that it fits Biblical teaching. Our goal is to judge ourselves according to God's view of us, not the world's or our own. Paul tells us, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." (Romans 12:3). God sees believers as His dearly loved children, as those created in His image, bought with the blood of His Son, gifted by His Holy Spirit, and being re-created into His Son's image. We not only should but must "esteem" or honor the image and gifts of our Lord that are present in our lives. But that honor is really directed towards the Lord, because "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10). As a matter of fact, Paul tells us that we should become so focused upon Christ and upon being like Him, that we lose our old worldly identity – "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Galatians 2:20).
The problem is that the world has set the definition for the term "self-esteem", and to them it doesn't have anything to do with honoring God's work of redemption and re-creation in our lives. What they really mean is "self-glorification", or, in its worst forms, "self-deification". I have sat through anti-drug, self-esteem-based programs where kids are told to stay away from drugs because they are so special, too special to get involved with drugs. This isn't obedience to God; it's obedience for self-interest. When the child becomes convinced that disobedience (drugs, fornication, violence) is more to their advantage (and to their glorification in the eyes of their peers), they will chuck the "just say no" approach. The Bible teaches that our lives are worthless without the work of God's grace in us – "There is no one righteous, not even one…no one seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless." There is no real "esteem" to your life apart from Christ.
If self-esteem isn't focused upon Christ, then it is a lie; it's idolatry, the worship of self. The Bible directs us away from the narcissistic tendencies of our sinful nature. Paul says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3). We should be focused upon the Lord and the needs of others, to the point where we begin to forget about ourselves. Here is one of my favorite quotes from C. S. Lewis: "The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether…" He goes on later to say that a truly humble person isn't one who is always thinking lowly thoughts about himself; it is the person who doesn't think about himself at all. Our goal in life isn't self-esteem – it is Christ-esteem!
- If you have been born again, your old fleshly, sinful nature and
identity have passed away and God has already made you holy and
righteous in Christ.
- God has given His word to be like a mirror to
reveal to you this new nature and identity and help you shift your
views of yourself and of life to conform to His.
- This book will help you understand how God sees you in Christ so that you can build Christ-esteem (above self-esteem).
- When you build Christ-esteem, you live a life that draws from the
finished work of Christ in victory over sin, the flesh and the devil.
- You also become a more effective channel through whom God manifests
the fullness of His holiness, righteousness, glory, love, wisdom and
power on earth